WHAT ABOUT SHIDDUCH?

The very first stage of a traditional Jewish marriage, is the shidduch, or matchmaking. This means that the process of finding a partner is not haphazard or based on purely external aspects. Rather, a close friend or relative of the young man or woman, who knows someone that they feel may be a compatible partner, suggests that they meet.

The purpose of the meeting is for the prospective bride and groom to determine if they are indeed compatible. The meetings usually focus on discussion of issues important to marriage as well as casual conversation. The Talmud states that the couple must also be physically attractive to each other, something that can only be determined by meeting. According to Jewish law physical contact is not allowed between a man and a woman until they are married (except for certain close relatives), and also they may not be alone together in a closed room or secluded area. This helps to ensure that one's choice of partner will be based on the intellect and emotion as opposed to physical desire alone.

The practice

In strictly Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner. Both sides (usually the parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved) make inquiries about the prospective partner, e.g. on his/her character, intelligence, level of learning, financial status, family and health status, appearance and level of religious observance.

A shidduch often begins with a recommendation from family members, friends or others who see matchmaking as a mitzvah, or good deed. Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services. A professional matchmaker is called a Shadchan.

After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another. The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community. In some, the dating continues several months. In stricter communities, the couple may decide within a few days. Also the age when shidduchim start may vary by community.

In frum circles, especially among Hassidim,eighteen is the age when shidduchim start and shadchanim take notice.

Those who support marriage by shidduch believe that it complies with traditional judaism´s outlook on Tzeniut, modest behaviour in relations between men and women, and prevents promiscuity. It may also be helpful in small Jewish communities where meeting prospective marriage partners is limited, and this gives them access to a broader spectrum of potential candidates.

Also, the decision as to whether or not the mate is good can be made with the emotional boundary of the shadchan who, if so desired by the couple, can call and talk to either side in the beginning stages of the dating to iron out issues that can crop up during the dating process. Usually as the couple see more of each other the shadchan backs away and lets the couple manage it themselves. It's expected that the couple keep the shadchan up-to-date on how the shidduch is going at regular intervals.

If the shidduch does not work out, then usually the shadchan is contacted and it is he/she that tells the other side that it will not be going ahead. If the shidduch works out then the couple inform the shadchan of its success.

HERE SOME INFO, SO YOU MAY USE TO HAVE A SHIDDUCH....

http://www.shidduchim.info/sites.html

Post Wedding Jewish Rituals

Y WANT TO POST THIS THAT I FOUND ON A SITE BECAUSE I THINK IT IS ALSO INTERESTING TO KNOW THE "AFTEWARDS" OH THE WEDDING...

Some times Jewish wedding have been criticized for their orthodox rituals, according to some religion critics. The biggest issue that they have to talk about is that after the recitation of the ketubah, though the groom gets to speak up a declaration but the girl only gets the girl. In Jewish tradition, girl allowing the boy to place ring on her index finger of left hand, means that she accepts that boy as her Husband.

Anyhow! The marriage ring has been worn and they have been formally announcing ad the Mr. and the Mrs. The next thing to look forward is the post wedding Jewish rituals.
The yichud

An intriguing ritual as part of the post wedding Jewish rituals. In this custom, the couple is allowed to spend some moments alone.

Many couples are on fast at their wedding day. So during these moments they can break their fast with whatever they want to have.
Such moments are allowed to have in order to give them some break from the hectic schedule since morning of that day.

After this ritual, the couple finally joins their guests for the feasting.
Seudat Mitzwah

As the couple enter, they are announced as wife and husband and all welcome them with applaud. Rice grains are even thrown on them

A grand feast waits for all as the wedding has been solemnized. As the bride and the groom enter into this feasting hall, they are made to sit at the centre while all the friends and the relatives sit around them in a circle.
Dancing goes on.

As the guests settle down they are given some booklets or small brochures for the rest of the programs that will be materialized. These booklets may include the copies of ketubah text, menu of the party, the names of various vendors who contributed in the wedding and also the names of those who are witness to that wedding.

The Forshpiel

Shabbat Kallah (SHABAT BRIDE)

Yiddish speakers can readily understand the meaning of forshpiel, which translates literally as “pre-party.” Guests gather in the bride’s and groom’s homes on the Sabbath afternoon before their wedding to sing and celebrate with the newlywed to be couple.



The bride’s pre-party is called “Shabbat Kallah,” the Sabbath bride. The celebration links the bride to Shabbath, which has been mystically nicknamed as God’s bride. (Lecha Dodi, a prayer in welcoming the Shabbath, recited Friday night, repeats the refrain: “Lecha dodi likrat kallah penei Shabbat nekabelah,” Go, my beloved, to greet the bride, the countenance of Shabbat we will greet.)

THE KETUBAH

The Ketubah (the Jewish marriage contract) has become another feature of Jewish marriages. It lays out rights of the wife (to monetary payments upon termination of the marriage by death or divorce), and obligations of the husband (providing food, shelter, clothing, and sexual satisfaction to the wife).

The over-riding purpose of the ketubah is the protection of the wife in the event of her financial support ceasing as a result of divorce or the death of the economic breadwinner. The rabbis in ancient times used to prohibit the marriage of the woman "without the protection of the ketubah". The amount stipulated in the ketubah is a replacement of the biblical dower or bride price, which was payable at the time of the marriage by the groom to the bride or her parents. The ketubah became a mechanism whereby the amount due to the wife (the dower) came to be paid in the event of the cessation of marriage, either by the death of the husband or divorce.

It may be noted that the biblical bride price created a major social problem: many young prospective husbands could not raise the bride price at the time when they would normally be expected to marry. So, to enable these young men to marry, the rabbis, in effect, delayed the time that the amount would be payable, when they would be more likely to have the sum. The mechanism adopted was to provide for the bride price to be a part of the ketubah.

The ketubah amount served the same purpose as the dower: the protection for the wife should her support (either by death or divorce) cease. The only difference between the two systems was the timing of the payment. It is the predecessor to the wife's present-day entitlement to maintenance in the event of the breakup of marriage. Another function performed by the ketubah amount was to provide a disincentive for the husband contemplating divorcing his wife: he would need to have the amount to be able to pay to the wife.

BREAKING THE GLASS CUSTOM

A glass is now placed on the floor, and the chatan shatters it with his foot. This serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and identifies the couple with the spiritual and national destiny of the Jewish people. A Jew, even at the moment of greatest rejoicing, is mindful of the Psalmist's injunction to "set Jerusalem above my highest joy."

In jest, some explain that this is the last time the groom gets to "put his foot down."

(In Israel, the Ashkenazi custom is that the glass is broken earlier, prior to the reading of the ketubah. Sefardim always break the glass at the end of the ceremony, even in Israel.)

This marks the conclusion of the ceremony. With shouts of "Mazel Tov," the chatan and kallah are then given an enthusiastic reception from the guests as they leave the chuppah together.

Prewedding Rituals

Prewedding Rituals

Jewish tradition contains several prewedding customs to support and honor the bride and groom before their big day. Here are five rituals to help you celebrate, relax, and prepare before the huppah is raised.

SeparationTraditionally, Jewish couples separate for a period of time before the wedding. This split used to last an entire week, but today many couples spend only a couple of days apart. It's an opportunity for the bride and groom to have time alone or be with close family and friends. You may miss each other, but think how happy you'll be when you finally see your honey under the huppah.

Henna parties are held for most Middle Eastern brides -- Muslims, Jews, and Christians alike -- and are often celebrated a few days before the wedding with close women friends and family. The resulting henna designs simultaneously protect and adorn the bride. Often, both mothers feed the bride from trays of Middle Eastern delicacies, including sugar, honey, olives, and almonds -- all things sweet, nothing sour. You're not Sephardic or Mizrahi? Don't worry: Lots of brides from Ashkenazi backgrounds are adopting the custom -- it's a great excuse to be pampered and do a little female bonding.

Aufruf

Jewish to-be-weds are publicly honored with an aufruf, Yiddish for "calling up." On the Sabbath before the wedding (or the Sabbath after the wedding for Sephardi), the groom recites the blessings before and after the first Torah reading. In egalitarian congregations, the bride and groom may say the blessings together. Watch out, though -- when you're done, prepare for the obligatory shower of candies and nuts, wishes for a sweet marriage. The aufruf is usually followed by a celebratory meal.

Mikvah

Before the wedding, Jewish brides immerse in a mikvah, a ritual bath in running water. This joyous occasion is followed by a small party for women friends and family. Sephardic Jews celebrate with a ritual called "noche de bano," or "night of the bath," where the bride is presented with scented soaps and perfumes. Some grooms also go to a mikvah to prepare for their weddings. They may be accompanied by a group of friends and have men-only parties afterwards.

Fasting In most Jewish communities, both bride and groom fast beginning at sundown the night before the wedding. The fast is broken with the first glass of wine under the huppah. Similar to Yom Kippur, marriage fasting is a way to purify oneself, enabling the bride and groom to enter the huppah and their new life together with a clean slate.

IN HEBREW MEANS.......

The Hebrew word for man is 'EISH', which is spelled 'Aleph - Yud - Shin'.

The Hebrew word for woman is 'EISHA', which is spelled 'Aleph - Shin - Hay'.

The letters 'Yud' and 'Hay' combine to form the Hebrew name for 'God'.

Removing the letters 'Yud' and 'Hay' (God) from the words 'EISH' and 'EISHA', leaves the letters 'Aleph' and 'Shin' which spell 'ESH', which is the word for 'Fire'.

Thus, Judaism teaches that if God is not made a part of the union between a man and a woman, then the couple will be left with fire.

THE CHUPPA

Chuppah



The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah (canopy), a symbol of the home that the new couple will build together. It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open all sides to welcome people in unconditional hospitality.
The Ashkenazi custom is to have the chuppah ceremony outside under the stars, as a sign of the blessing given by God to the patriarch Abraham, that his children shall be "as the stars of the heavens"(Genesis 15:5). Sefardim generally have the chuppah indoors.
The Ashkenazi custom is that the chatan and kallah wear no jewelry under the chuppah (marriage canopy). Their mutual commitment is based on who they are as people, not on any material possessions.



The chatan, followed by the kallah, are usually escorted to the chuppah by their respective sets of parents.



Under the chuppah, the Ashkenazi custom is that the kallah circles the chatan seven times. Just as the world was built in seven days, the kallah is figuratively building the walls of the couple's new world together. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately.



The kallah then settles at the chatan's right-hand side.
[At this point, the Sefardic custom is that the chatan says the blessing She'hecheyanu over a new tallit, and has in mind that the blessing also goes on the marriage. The tallit is then held by four young men over the head of the chatan and kallah.]

The Wedding Day

The dawning wedding day heralds the happiest and holiest day of one's life. This day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the chatan (Hebrew for groom) and kallah (bride), for on this day all their past mistakes are forgiven as they merge into a new, complete soul.
As on Yom Kippur, both the chatan and kallah fast (in this case, from dawn until after the completion of the marriage ceremony). And at the ceremony, the chatan wears a kittel, the traditional white robe worn on Yom Kippur.
[Sefardim do not have the custom to fast and wear a kittel.]

Kabbalat Panim

It is customary for the chatan and kallah not to see each other for one week preceding the wedding. This increases the anticipation and excitement of the event. Therefore, prior to the wedding ceremony, the chatan and kallah greet guests separately. This is called "Kabbalat Panim."
Jewish tradition likens the couple to a queen and king. The kallah will be seated on a "throne" to receive her guests, while the chatan is surrounded by guests who sing and toast him.
At this time there is an Ashkenazi tradition for the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom to stand together and break a plate. The reason is to show the seriousness of the commitment -- just as a plate can never be fully repaired, so too a broken relationship can never be fully repaired.

Badeken

Next comes the badeken, the veiling of the kallah by the chatan. The veil symbolizes the idea of modesty and conveys the lesson that however attractive physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. It is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac (Genesis ch. 29).
The Ashkenazi custom is that the chatan, accompanied by family and friends, proceeds to where the kallah is seated and places the veil over her face. This signals the groom's commitment to clothe and protect his wife.